I think that's very true. Realizing that in their story, I'm the a-hole was a huge revelation to me. But as you said, we're all so wrapped up in our own hurt, it's hard to notice. I'm wary of the "their actions were a response to trauma they endured" only because it's a slippery slope to guilt. I mean, if they were only acting based on their own trauma, how can I hold them accountable for how they hurt me? And I think we need to hold each other accountable. And ourselves as much as we can. Hope that makes sense :) thank you for your comment and agreed, you can't undo the crumples!