How do you do sex?
Foreplay like deterrence
I don’t like having sex because the kind that’s good isn’t a product.
I don’t like making love either because it’s corny. And because we don’t always got the capacity to give love, do we? We might, if pressed, present the watered-down version that washes off once the ball is over.
So how do you do it? Is all I’m asking, ’cause we never do. When we tell people we did it, they say…
…was it good? Were you safe?
We tend to say yes to both, even if the truth is neither. I’m desperate to convince you it was good because if it wasn’t, I feel it’s some personal black mark against me. We worry it’s saying I’m not good (and am I?).
How do you know if you never asked? If you never discussed it. Most of us are really bad at sex, I think, and I’ll tell you why.
We get stuck inside our heads. Start thinking does my body look fat? Am I making the right noises? Is this silence awkward? Am I? Is my hair getting in the way? Do they like me or have they just recognized a familiar emptiness?
You can’t be good at sex when you’re in your head because you’re not in your moment. That’s a concept that often gets bandied around, typically associated with enjoyment. It’s no longer enough to be in the moment, you have to…
