Cried reading this. This is absolutely why you should not feel ashamed. Not for the situation and not for the money thing, certainly. I get where that's coming from, I really think I do, but here's the thing - as you say, 18k could make a huge difference for many people. Get them out of their own problems, presumably. But to feel shame for using it this way instead would suggest your and Edward's own trouble is less important or worthy. There isn't a scale. There isn't a "my struggle is more struggly than yours". There's just love, and that means doing anything we can for the people who matter.

I'm really really hoping for you and Edward. I don't do prayer, and I don't know if "sending light" would help, but I am hoping for you both. You'll get through this <3

PS: Your child knowing they can come to you is an immense treasure and something to be proud of - both for parent and kid.